


Control

by deliciouslemon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, also i'm a shitty writer so beware that, this is likely to get unpleasant and i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliciouslemon/pseuds/deliciouslemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His name is Kageyama Tobio and he has a demon inside him.</p>
<p>Kageyama can't forget how it feels to be abandoned and will do anything to make sure it doesn't happen again. Hinata makes things both so much better and so much worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His name is Kageyama Tobio and he has a demon inside him.

Born on that day when the King was abandoned by his men, or maybe it was always there and Kindaichi and the others just awakened it, it takes the form of insidious voice that hisses and whispers at him as he plays. 

_Don’t toss behind you. You can’t trust them to be there, only toss to the ones you can see._

He doesn’t know how to prove it wrong, but he hopes it is, so he ignores its advice. Hinata said he would be there, that he would hit any toss, and Kageyama wants to believe him. He wants to believe that he’s different now, that he won’t drive these new teammates to reject him, so he pushes the voice aside and tosses the ball backwards. Sure enough, the sound of a spike resounds through the gym, followed by Hinata whooping when he sees he scored a point.

Kageyama pretends he doesn’t breathe a quiet sigh of relief.

_Not yet, then. Not yet, but it’s coming. They’ll abandon you too, one d-_

The voice fizzles out and dies as Hinata turns to him, smiling so widely that he almost seems to glow, and Kageyama’s heart skips a beat or two or ten. He supposes that must mean something, but the game must go on and he needs to concentrate, so he doesn’t give it much thought.

\-------------

It’s easy enough to ignore the voice during games, while blood and adrenaline pulses through him and nothing but the game matters, but it’s so much harder at night. He’s tired of lying awake, listening to it spout what he still desperately hopes are lies.

_It’ll be because you’re unpleasant. You get angry so easily, your face is scary, and the only things you ever say are criticisms. When they reject you you'll only have yourself to blame._

He pulls the blankets tighter around himself and scowls at the wall, trying not to think about what his face must look like.

\-------------

Even losing to Seijou doesn’t shut the demon up and in the wake of their loss it’s gotten so much harder to believe that it’s lying.

_You know your skill is the only reason they put up with you, right? Well, congratulations! You let them down. They’ll realize you’re not worth the trouble soon enough._

He decides he’s got to do something, anything, and even though last time he tried this it did not quite work as he’d hoped, it’s all he can think of and he’s getting desperate. And it’s not such a bad idea, assuming he can pull it off.

After all, who could ever abandon someone like Sugawara?

\-------------

“Kageyama? Is something wrong?”

He listens intently to his voice- it’s sweet and gentle, and while it’s not exactly soft it’s got no edge to it either, and it lilts upwards at the end, and oh right he asked a question.

“I- uh, no, why?” 

“You’ve been staring pretty hard at me all practice, you know. Did you want something?”

_He could tell I was watching him?_

Sugawara chuckles lightly and Kageyama studies the way he moves. The way his eyes close softly, his shoulders lift a bit as he laughs, and his mouth turns upwards at the corners. “Oh, don’t give me that look, yes you were staring, and yes you were that obvious.” 

“O-oh.” He can feel his face twisting up as he mumbles, “sorry, didn’t mean to.” He can’t quite look him in the eyes so he looks at the floor instead, and resumes sweeping with renewed vigor.

He hears Sugawara sigh behind him and feels as though he’s done something terribly wrong.

That night he practices the motions he so carefully watched in front of the mirror. His mouth never really does what he wants it to and he finds the little hand movements incredibly hard to replicate and there's a thousand other little things that are just wrong, but he’s got to keep trying.

_They’ll never accept you the way you are. Change is your only option._

He faces his reflection in the mirror, ready to try again, and finds he can't clear the scowl off his face. He sighs and goes to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up kids this is gonna be a long ride
> 
> this is kind of one of the first things i've written in a very, very long time and feedback of any sort (even if it's just screaming at me about how much i suck) would be greatly appreciated
> 
> and i uh kind of have assignments i should be doing... i'll try to be reasonably regular but don't expect much, yeah?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama puts his Master Plan into action and everyone is confused and weirded out. Hinata is determined to figure out what on earth is going on and hopefully return things to normal.

“Hey, Kageyama! Let’s train, let’s train!” Hinata bounded out of the building, a grin on his face and a volleyball in his hands and Kageyama felt his chest tighten at the sight. The sunlight caught in his orange hair, giving it a golden glow, but even that was outshone by the brightness of his smile.

_If you’re not careful you’ll lose this, you’ll lose him. You have to act now. You’ve practiced enough, it’s time to test it out._

Kageyama took a deep breath and _smiled_. Hinata gaped.

_See? It’s working, he’s so shocked by how friendly you are he’s speechless!_

Hinata gulped before speaking, “I- uh, y-you coming or not?”

He ticked off each little movement in his head- twist the left hand, tilt head slightly, smile a little wider. Pitch needs to be higher than usual. “Yeah, of course. Are we working on your shi-“ crap, no insulting him! “your receives again?”

“Uhhh. Yes. Sure.” Hinata paused for a moment before frowning, confusion clearly deepening. “Wait, did you- did you just- you _almost_ called my receives shitty.”

_Shit, he noticed. Nice one, genius. Don’t be surprised if he leaves._

“A-ah, sorry.” He tried to keep his face under control, but he was sure his nose scrunched up. Trying to offset it, he closed his eyes and titled his head further. “I won’t do it again.”

“But you _always_ \- and then you didn’t- and what are you doing with your _face_ \- ah, never mind let’s just- let’s just start."

He opens his eyes to see Hinata throwing his bag off into a corner, back turned and repeatedly glancing back at him. He tried to relax his face into a more natural-looking smile but it seemed determined to remain twisted.

_This may be exhausting but it’ll be worth it if he stays, trust me._

He wasn’t so sure this was a good idea anymore, but now that he’d started he supposed he might as well just keep at it.

\-------------

Hinata stared fiercely across the gym at where Kageyama seemed to be unsuccessfully trying to communicate with Asahi. “Something’s wrong with Kageyama.”

“Because we didn’t know that already.”

“Shut up, Tsukishima!” He spun around to face the taller boy, fists clenched and arms waving. “I’m being serious! Something _different_ is wrong with him!”

“Aw, what a loyal retainer, so worried about your king.”

“I’m not worried!” Heat crept up his face despite his best efforts to suppress it. He just hoped Tsukishima wouldn’t comment on how red he was sure his face was. “I’m not, it’s just weird.” He pulled a face and continued, “reeeeeeally weird.”

The two of them turned to watch the unfolding spectacle- Asahi with his hands up in a defensive gesture, slowly backing away from an increasingly agitated Kageyama.

“He seems to be moving more than usual, but I fail to see why you’d be so concerned over something like that.”

“I’m _not_ concerned! And he’s not even moving at all, he’s just standing there!”

“His _arms_ , idiot.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess he is.” He was _not_ going to let Tsukishima beat him! He was _definitely_ going to solve the mystery of What The Hell Is Wrong With Kageyama, thinking that Tsukishima might understand Kageyama better than he did made him kind of annoyed and maybe even a little bit sad. 

He stared harder, determined to notice something himself. “Hrrrrrmmmmm… ah! He’s tilting his head! He doesn’t usually do that!” God, he was so great. Like Tsukishima would have seen _that_ one!

“Hey there! What’re you two talking so seriously about?”

“Sugawara-san! You’re kinda late, aren’t you? I thought you weren’t gonna come at all!”

He laughed and waved his hand in front of his face. “Yeah, sorry, I got a little caught up-”

“AHH!” Hinata pointed enthusiastically at Sugawara’s hand and excitedly turned back and forth between the two taller boys. “That’s it! That’s the thing he was doing, he was waving his hand just like that!”

Sugawara titled his head slightly to the left, confused. “Hmm? Who’s waving what now?”

“It’s Kageyama! Kageyama’s being weird and we’re trying to figure out what his problem is!”

“Kageyama, huh? I’m not really surprised, honestly.” He smiled ruefully. “You know, for the past week or so-”

Tsukishima interrupted with a snort, then made a show of rolling his eyes and walking off. “You two can have fun with this, I’m going to change.”

“Ah, I’d better change too. Sorry Hinata, looks like Kageyama’ll have to wait!” And with a laugh and a smile, he trotted off after Tsukishima. Hinata watched them go, pouting.

_Jeez, it’s like they don’t even care! What if something’s seriously wrong with him? Well, looks like I'll just have to deal with this_ myself _!_

He returned to his study of Kageyama, who had noticed him and turned to wave while smiling far too widely. With a panicked thought of _oh god I can’t deal with this_ racing through his head, he scuttled off to hide behind Tanaka. Maybe he'd feel safer watching from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was not expecting this to be received even half as well as it was so thanks yall you're the best and i love you <33333
> 
> meanwhile this is.... (a lot worse than the last chapter sry orz) not nearly everything i wanted to cover but this is already as long as the previous one was? apparently this is going to be an awful lot longer than i'd thought........... and hinata's perspective is fuckin hard to write he's too sunshiney for me so sorry if it's BAD
> 
> and i already have part of the next chapter written up so i should be able to finish it soon (assuming this stupid essay doesn't eat all my time)
> 
> thanks again for the lovely feedback!!!


End file.
